Can't Let You Go
by Chrysalid
Summary: Maybe I don't have to be alone.


**Disclaimer: I don't own 'em, I just like to play with 'em.**_

* * *

_

_I failed them. I failed all of them._

_Jack sat gazing up at the stars, tears falling freely down his face. How long ago was it he'd sat and looked at these very same stars and wondered how anyone could bare to stay on one planet for any length of time without going mad? Now he wanted nothing more than to stay on this backwards little rock of a planet._

_For one brief, shining moment, he'd had everything. He'd had a beautiful daughter, a fantastic grandson, the best friends and co-workers in the world…and he'd had Ianto. A man who accepted him for who he was, **loved** him for who he was…and now he had nothing. So many dead and all his fault. Mind you, give it time and that would happen to everything. Everything around him would always die whilst he lived on. Everything._

_**But maybe not just yet.**_

_Jack sat up straighter, the sound he half thought he'd imagined echoing around him, louder and louder. A grinding, groaning, other-worldly engine. And with it, came the potential solution to everything._

_"Doctor…"_

* * *

"Welcome, Jack Harkness. Peace bestowed upon you."

"And blessings upon your house." Jack replied hurriedly, bowing. He bit his lip and straightened up. "How is he?"

"We do not know. He sits and stares at the wall, refusing to touch what food we offer him. We do not even know if he understands us."

Jack sighed heavily. "Take me to him?"

"Of course. Follow me."

Jack followed his guide for what felt like hours, down numerous corridors and hallways. As he walked, he thought about what he could say, how he could justify himself.

"We are here."

Jack looked up at sign on the door and spun round angrily. "You've put him in a cell?!"

"It is for his safety." he pressed a small button on the wall and the door shot open. "You can have as long as you like with him. Maybe you will have more luck getting him to talk than we have."

Jack looked at the figure hunched over on the bed in the dark, wrapped in a large blanket. His mouth felt dry, and when he opened his mouth to speak, he didn't know what to say.

For the first time in his life, Jack Harkness was speechless.

"_No."_

"_Doctor, please?"_

"_No. No way. Far too dangerous."_

"_For who?! It's not like it can kill me!"_

_The Doctor sighed heavily, leaning against the TARDIS console. "Jack, Rose did it by accident. She wasn't supposed to, _no-one _is supposed to. And besides, look what happened when she brought _you_back from the dead."_

"_I can control it better than she could."_

"_Says who?"_

_Jack almost growled in frustration. "Doctor, Rose was 19 years old. I'm not a child. For God's sake, I'm over twice your age! I know my body perfectly. I know my strength. I can do this."_

_The Doctor watched him sadly. "Jack you know I can't. You can't control life and death."_

"_But I could. You know I could."_

"_I'm sorry, Jack." he glanced down at the console. "Besides, I don't know how to open her so it's a non-issue."_

"_But if we could get her open you'd let me?"_

_The Doctor's eyes widened. "No, no, no, no, that's not what I said!"_

"_Doctor, I'm asking you for this one thing. Please. Just give me a chance to bring them back. I just want them alive. Steven and Ianto. They should _not _have died. Can't you do that for me? After everything?"_

_The Doctor looked away, unable to meet Jack's gaze. "And what if you're wrong? What if you do exactly the same as Rose did?"_

"_I won't."_

* * *

"Ianto?"

The figure on the bed gave no sign he'd heard him. Jack stepped closer.

"Ianto? Ianto it's Jack." he laid a hand on the younger man's back. "You're ok. You're safe here, I promise." Ianto's shoulder twitched and Jack hurriedly removed his hand, not wanting to push too hard. "Ianto, please talk to me."

After still getting no response, Jack decided to leave it for now. The younger man had been through a lot, now was not the time to push him. Especially after…Jack shook his head and walked towards the door.

"Why did you do this to me?" Ianto's voice sounded hoarse, his tone broken.

Jack stopped. "I…it was an accident."

Ianto snorted. "Right. You _accidentally_ looked into the time vortex. You _accidentally_ made me into this…this _thing_." he spat viciously. "I'm not even human anymore."

Jack felt like he'd been punched in the stomach. He span round. "Of course you're human. _I'm_ human."

Ianto looked up at him for the first time. "Are you, Jack?"

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"You told me that sometimes your life was a living hell. That you wished with every fibre of your being that you could just _die_. Why would you sentence me to that sort of life?"

Jack swallowed heavily. "I didn't mean to. Ianto, you…I thought I was stronger than her, than Rose. I thought I could control it. I just wanted to bring you back. I never meant for you to turn out like me-"

"Why? Why did you want to bring me back?

Jack looked him in the eyes. "You know why, Ianto, I…"

"Yes. I do." Ianto stood up suddenly and Jack realised he was still wearing the tattered, decaying old suit. He hadn't even changed, and the sight made Jack's heart ache. "Guilt."

"What? Ianto, no, I…"

"You did it to make you feel better. I was in that building under _your _say so, and because of that I died. And you feel guilty about that."

Jack shook his head. "It's not guilt."

"What else would it be? Love?" Ianto snorted. "You couldn't even say you loved me when I lay dying in your arms."

"I'm _sorry_, ok? I didn't think-"

"No, you didn't." Ianto interrupted. "You didn't think about anything but yourself!"

"Well excuse me for not considering maybe you wanted to stay dead!"

"It's not about whether or not I wanted to stay dead! God, Jack, you just don't get it! It's about you not respecting me enough to just leave me alone, not try and control me! I will _never_ have that again. I will never be able to die again. You stupid…" he took a deep breath.

"I didn't mean to make you immortal!"

"How do I know that?! Maybe you just got sick of being alone! You're selfish enough."

_

* * *

_

Jack ran a finger along the edge of the TARDIS console.

"_How do I get you open, eh, girl?" he murmured. "Why did you open for Rose?" He'd heard about the yellow truck of course, Mickey had been so proud of that, but somehow he doubted the majestic old ship would be able to just be pulled open with a chain. No, he suspected there was a reason the TARDIS had granted her access, something that she'd done…_

_He tapped his fingers idly. The Doctor had said that if he could open it up, he could bring back Steven and Ianto. Ok, he hadn't said it, but it was implied and in Jack's mind that was as good as. He glanced towards the corridor he knew the Timelord would be emerging from any moment. It would probably be better if he could do this without The Doctor there, especially since the permission was shaky at best._

_Getting hold of their bodies had been difficult as hell, especially without The Doctor finding out. He'd had to resort to hiding in the crematorium and stealing his grandson's. Ianto's had been easier - simply a case of walking into Torchwood storage and signing him out. __**Like an object**_, _Jack thought angrily. He laid his hands against the panel, feeling it's warmth against his palms, and closed his eyes, opening his mind until he could hear the gentle hum of TARDIS song. "You owe me." he whispered. "They died too soon because you saved me. You owe _them_."_

_With a sigh, he lowered his hands and turned away, headed back to his room. A soft click made him pause and turn back. Light flooded out of the no open console, surrounding him, filling him up. It felt like freezing and burning at the same time._

_It felt wonderful._

_He gasped at the power running through his head. This was amazing. He could see everything, could do anything. He could wipe out whole species and civilisations as easily as blinking. He could control the very flow of time. Forget everyone else, what did their lives matter in the scheme of things? Like this he didn't need them - he was a God!_

_He laughed loudly. Oh the things he could do! His enemies would tremble before him. No - he wouldn't have any enemies. He could just wipe them all out. Starting with the 456, whatever species they were, for making him do those things. For making him kill…_

…_Ianto…Steven…_

"_Oh God." Jack gasped. He'd forgotten them. He'd felt the power and he'd completely forgotten them. He looked back through time and saw their lives so clearly. In seconds he had watched Steven grow up from a baby to the young boy he'd been at his death, followed by the things he could have achieved had he lived. He watched a 4 year old Ianto cry as his father stormed out of the house, saw him grow into a shoplifting rebellious teenager and into the neat, dependable man he knew. He saw every possible twist and turn in their lives and it broke his heart. He'd got this power for a reason - time to use it._

_He focused in on the moment of Steven's death. At the second he felt his life leave him, Jack twisted it, pouring his very essence into the moment. The air around him screamed and shattered, and Jack could feel the life flowing through him._

"_Jack! No!"_

_He looked around as the Doctor came tearing across the room in about 3 strides, his hair whipping about his head in a sudden unexplainable wind. "Jack you have to stop this. You have to let the power go!"_

"_I can't. I can bring them life!"_

_Somewhere in the depths of the TARDIS a small figure under a sheet shuddered and gasped. The skin brightened and became whole, the eyes beneath the lids expanded and re-grew, and the boy sat up and coughed. Jack could feel him. The Doctor frowned in confusion, seemingly sensing the extra life on board as well._

"_You did it. Steven's alive, Jack, he's alive and he's normal. Now stop this before you hurt someone!"_

_Jack could feel the power building. He'd done it! He knew he could do it. Of course he was more powerful than Rose had been. He was more powerful than anyone! And in a few seconds he would have Ianto back. He could have years with him…_

_He could have forever with him._

"_I can take it away. I can be normal." he said softly._

"_Jack, if you do that it'll kill you! Just let it go!"_

"_I can still have forever."_

_Why not? Why shouldn't he bring Ianto back permanently? Didn't he deserve to have someone too? Someone to be by his side?_

"_Jack, don't even think about it!" The Doctor yelled. "Think how you felt. Don't do this Jack! Leave him in peace!"_

_Jack balked. Had he really just thought that? Of course he couldn't do that to Ianto. His Ianto. _

_Next to a very confused and disorientated Steven, the younger man's skin flooded with colour and his chest rose and fell as he gasped a breath. Jack felt a rush of elation, felt his heart expand with it, and a rush of warmth that spread throughout his entire body, emanating from him. Then the Doctor cried out._

"_No!"_

_Jack saw the horror and disgust that filled the Doctor's eyes and knew instantly he'd pushed too far. He tried to pull it back, but still the power flooded from his mind. He was powerless to stop it. With a cry he span round and stuck his hand deep into the heart of the TARDIS, his own bloodcurdling screams mixing with those of the ship as pain beyond his imagination spread through him like fire, before everything went black._

* * *

"I didn't do this on purpose." Jack choked out. "I tried to take it back but it was too late."

"I don't believe you."

"Ianto I would never…" Jack stepped forward, stopping when Ianto flinched backwards. "Ianto you have to believe me. I lost control. When I realised, I tried to stop it. I died trying to take back what I'd done to you, but it was too late."

Ianto regarded him coldly. "Do you know what my worst childhood fear was, Jack? The thing that used to wake me up screaming in the middle of the night?"

Jack frowned. "No."

"The idea of living forever."

Jack exhaled sharply. "Oh, Jesus, Ianto…"

"Outliving everyone and everything I love. Never ending, never being able to die. Forever alone."

"You're not alone. You've got me."

"You? You've condemned me to live in my nightmare. Right now you _are_ my nightmare."

Jack swallowed heavily. "Please don't say that."

"I want you to go now."

"Ianto-"

"GO!"

Ianto stepped forwards and pushed Jack back, forcing him out into the corridor. Jack turned and gazed at him desperately.

"Ianto, please. I just wanted you to be ok."

For the first time, emotion flickered over Ianto's face. An expression of terrible pain, accompanied by a single tear running down his cheek. Ianto stared at him for a long moment. Eventually he raised his hand and pushed the button to close the door.

"I _was."_


End file.
